


a safe harbour

by sugdensquad



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Claustrophobia, Comfort/Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sleep Deprivation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 06:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8360734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugdensquad/pseuds/sugdensquad
Summary: Robert struggles to cope with the trauma of the crash and almost witnessing Aaron's death.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Considering my last one-shot was quite sweet, I decided I better make up for it with a 10k+ fic filled to the brim with angst and pain - enjoy! x

He didn’t know how bad it was until Aaron’s first night at home. Before then he’d been running off of a heady mix of adrenaline and relief, his mind converted to a sat nav which had plotted out the quickest route from the village to the hospital and back again. He’d been living off packet sandwiches and the wide selection of confectionery in the vending machine, resulting in an incessant, pounding headache which only eased when Aaron was awake. The tremor in his hands, excused that first night because of his heroics in the lake, was still stubbornly present though he hid it well, keeping them in motion while he spoke or shoving them into the pockets of his jeans when he wasn’t.

He had known it was coming. Had first felt the slow creep of it working through him when he’d been curled up in the armchair by Aaron’s bed, dipping in and out of dreams too murky and surreal to make sense of. He’d gasped awake each time, fingernails digging into his palms as he took in the bright surroundings of the ward, the smell of disinfectant and plastic almost choking him. Luckily Aaron hadn’t stirred, still drugged up on every pain medication going after his surgery, and the only thing which kept Robert going was the steady beeping of the heart monitor which told him he could stop worrying, at least for now.

“You look shattered,” was the most common greeting he had received over the course of those few weeks, accompanied by mildly concerned looks or deep-set frowns. He’d shrugged them off, explaining that he just wasn’t used to driving so much back and forth, the lie tripping easily from his tongue as it always did. Everyone accepted it, giving him some parting advice about getting an early night which he always responded to with a smile or a genial laugh until they were out of sight and he could let the mask slip. He wasn’t tired. He was mind-numbingly exhausted. It had gotten to the point, by the time Aaron was ready to return home, that Robert wasn’t entirely sure he was safe to get behind the wheel. The idea of another crash, the reminder of them trapped again, was enough for Robert to suggest Chas drove instead. She had given him a questioning look but didn’t argue, and he’d stayed in the passenger seat while Aaron was collected from the hospital by his mum, too afraid that he might collapse if he attempted to get out of the car.

Still, even at that point he’d managed to convince himself it was just delayed shock, that his inability to sleep was because of the adrenaline still pumping through his veins. And for the rest of that day he was so caught up in Aaron, the feel of his warm, soft body tight against his on the sofa, the unfamiliar smell of the hospital still clinging to his skin, that Robert was granted a temporary reprieve from exhaustion. He’d tucked his nose into Aaron’s neck, breathing him in, lips brushing lightly over his collarbone which made them both shiver. Usually such displays of intimacy were reserved for the safety and privacy of their bedroom, but neither had cared enough about Liv and Chas’s smiles or Charity’s wolf-whistles to stop. They were together, a feat in itself for so many reasons, and Robert allowed himself this moment to just enjoy the fact that Aaron was safe again in his arms.

But then came the eventual decision to head upstairs to bed, earlier than normal because Aaron was drifting against Robert’s shoulder, and he felt it again. The countdown thudding of his heart, the walls of his throat thickening as he helped Aaron to undress, the surgical scar on his abdomen still sore beneath the gauze.

“All right?” Aaron asked him, blue eyes slightly glazed over with weariness but tender all the same. Robert had nodded, kissed his forehead out of reassurance and to somehow ground them both in the present, before he’d taken his pyjamas and gone through to the bathroom to dress. He knew Aaron would question it – Robert was more than fine with stripping in front of him whenever and wherever, but he had felt the heavy weight of tears shuddering in his chest and he’d needed to get out. The bathroom light, harsh and cold on his face, illuminated just how gaunt he looked in the mirror above the sink. The skin under his eyes was bruised and dark, his hair limp and flat having not seen a shower in far too long, and he looked unnervingly pale.

When he came back through, legs still weaker than he would have liked, Aaron was already out cold on the bed, curled tightly in on himself. His right arm was wrapped partially around his middle and his left was stretched out under his head, the ring glinting off the side-lamp. Robert couldn’t get used to seeing it on him. He’d been staring at it for so long in that box that it didn’t seem quite real now to have it moulded round Aaron’s finger.

He felt his forehead tighten, the skin at his temples stretched too tight, compressing his skull. Every part of him felt weighted, dragged down as he pulled back the duvet and slipped beneath the cool wash of material. The other side of the bed was already warm from Aaron’s body, something Robert had sorely missed in the time they’d spent apart. He’d slept on top of the covers then, hating not being able to feel the dip of the mattress beside him, or drift off to the soft whispers of breath which escaped from between Aaron’s lips. It hadn’t hit him properly how much he’d missed him, how painful the ache had been, but now seeing him so soft and peaceful, Robert couldn’t help but reach out a finger to trace it across the back of Aaron’s hand.

 _You are real_ , he thought, still disbelieving. Sometimes he wondered if he had made Aaron up in his head, this flesh and blood fantasy which Robert had clung to like a drowning man. Perhaps he had saved Aaron’s life this time, but it was nothing compared to the infinite number of moments when Robert had been utterly alone, and Aaron had been the only one to find him.

The pillow sunk beneath the weight of his head and he shifted closer towards the middle, his hand coming to rest on Aaron’s warm, solid hip. It was the physical reassurance he needed that when he woke, it wouldn’t be to an empty room again. His breathing evened out, deepened imperceptibly as he let his eyes fall closed... and then everything went black.

_“I’m trapped! I’m trapped!”_

_The water was up to his neck, rippling at his jaw as he stretched enough to see Aaron thrashing in his seat. He knew what was wrong. His legs were stuck underneath the steering column, bearing down so much that he couldn’t move, locking him in place._

_They’d been here before._

_“Aaron, it’s gonna be fine. We’ve done it once, we can do it again,” he said, but there was something shrill and deafening in his ears. A high-pitched whine which rose above the lap of water, cutting out his voice. He turned his head, expecting to see something, but it was so dark… Had it been this dark the first time?_

_“Robert!”_

_He turned back, the call of his name drawing him round, but Aaron was no longer beside him. Through the driver’s-side window he could just make out Aaron’s figure floating out in the water, bubbles pouring from his open mouth as he screamed Robert’s name again._

_“Aaron!” he yelled, scrambling across to open the door so he could swim out... but it wouldn’t open. He yanked on the handle, nails bending backwards as he screamed for Aaron to hold on._

_“I’m coming!” he cried out, but the darkness was closing in around them both. He could only just see Aaron in the distance, but he wasn’t shouting now. He wasn’t moving at all._

The sheets were damp with sweat when he forced himself into an upright position. He was frozen, the cold morning air hitting his bare arms and neck and making him shiver. Aaron was still beside him, a little closer than he had been when they went to sleep, but he hadn’t woken.

Robert felt his stomach growl and lurch and he dragged himself out to the bathroom, keeping his footsteps light along the landing. He locked the door behind him and braced his hands on either side of the sink, waiting for the nausea to subside. He’d had the dream before, plenty times now, but it was still different enough each time to illicit this reaction. He bent over, pushing out one shallow breath at a time, letting the freezing basin numb his finger as he stared into the plughole. His stomach continued to churn ominously and eventually he ran a little water onto his hand before wiping it across his face. The cold shocked him out of the last remnants of the dream, his heart-rate slowing to a heavy thud against his ribs.

He looked worse than before. The rings beneath his eyes were black and his teeth were chattering. He was so cold, colder even than he’d been under the water. Goosebumps peppered his arms, the soft, fair hair rising against the chill. It was still pitch black outside and he didn’t want to have to creep back across the dark landing. He should have taken his phone with him. He’d started keeping it in his dressing-gown pocket, switching on the flash whenever he had to go to the bathroom or downstairs at night. It wasn’t specifically the darkness he had a problem with, but more the claustrophobia that went with it. He hadn’t been all that good in enclosed spaces recently.

The hard ridge of the bathtub cut it into the back of his legs as he sat down, giving himself a minute to come to. His knees bounced as he stared at the linoleum floor, shoulders hunched forwards as he tried to force down the memory of Aaron breathing his last under the water. His teeth chattered again and he wrapped his arms around himself, trying to work up the courage to go back to bed. It wasn’t much passed five, he could still catch a bit of kip before his alarm went off at seven. But that would mean a return to his dreams, another round of watching Aaron die in front of him. He just wasn’t up to it.

Robert pushed himself onto his feet, curling his toes against the frozen floor, and then unlocked the door. Light from the bathroom spilled out onto the carpet and he kept a hand on the light-switch, moving as far along the landing as he could before he had to turn it off. The remaining few steps he did in a rush, his hip cracking off the bedroom doorframe in his haste to be back inside the safety of familiar walls. The bedside light cast an orange haze across his portion of the bed – he’d started keeping it on at night – and Aaron was still out for the count. He was usually such a light sleeper, the smallest of movements causing him to stir and wake; it was always Robert who was dead to the world usually, having to be shaken by Aaron when he slept through yet another alarm. He yearned for it now, to sink into unconsciousness, but the risk was too great and his heart just couldn’t take another beating so soon after the last time.

Instead, he spent an hour curled up under the duvet, flicking through social media and the news app on his phone, his lashes fluttering shut every five minutes as sleep threatened to take hold. When it reached six, he heard Chas stir along the corridor and listened for the sound of her footsteps as she made her way downstairs. He waited another ten minutes before getting up, tugging on his dressing-gown again and following her down to the backrom, emerging in the kitchen doorway where she was just starting to make a cup of tea.

“You’re up early,” she said quietly when she realised he was standing there. He shrugged, his voice not strong enough yet to utter actual words, and padded across until he was able to lean against the table.

“You want one as well?” She gestured to the kettle but he declined. He’d make himself an espresso in a minute, closely followed by another four once she was safely out of the room. He watched her pour some milk into her tea before wrapping two hands around the mug, one Liv had bought her as an apology for accidentally breaking her favourite one. That had been a few months ago now, when he was still  firmly on the fringes of Aaron’s family, still walking on eggshells in case he said or did something wrong. It was strange because he’d just started to get comfortable with where he was, but now he felt like he was back there, albeit for different reasons.

“Penny for them?” Her voice intruded his thoughts and he flinched slightly, snapping back to the present.

“Sorry,” he muttered, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. It was still sticky with sweat. “Don’t think I’m awake yet.”

She placed a warm hand on his arm, offering a smile which still unnerved him. Their relationship had thawed somewhat since he’d come to live at the pub, but it still took him by surprise whenever she showed him a modicum of kindness.

“Think it’ll take us both a while to stop fretting over him. Just give it time,” she said softly, blowing a little on her tea before she crept through to the bar to start opening up the till.  

 _You’ll have time_. That’s what she’d said to him in the hospital. _You will have years._ He’d struggled to believe her then, not knowing whether Aaron was going to make it through another hour, far less a lifetime with Robert. But even now he couldn’t quite picture it: Aaron safe and well, the two of them settled together, a picture-perfect postcard of marital bliss. Somehow the idea of it was beyond him, beyond _them_. They had never reached this far before, and Robert was still waiting for the moment when it all collapsed, when all that happiness and peace was taken from him again.

He busied himself with making the strongest possible coffee and contemplating a way to inject it straight into his veins. The caffeine repressed the worst excesses of his fatigue but his bones still creaked and ached with exhaustion, his mind addled from lack of sleep. He slouched in front of the TV, flicking on the morning news which was the only thing on at this time other than the home-shopping channel and cartoons. He was still watching it over half an hour later when he felt a hand at his shoulder, strong and heavy and familiar.

“Why you awake?” Aaron asked as he dropped down next to him, wrapped in his own dressing-gown and a crease between his brows.

“Could ask you the same thing,” Robert responded, resting a hand on Aaron’s knee and stroking the brushed cotton fabric of his pyjama bottoms. He desperately wanted to crawl across and fold himself into Aaron’s lap, bury his head in the collar of his dressing-gown and close his eyes. But that wasn’t him, it wasn’t them, and Robert needed to keep it together.

“I woke up and you weren’t there so I came down. How long have you been up?” Aaron continued, resting his head back against the sofa. He looked sleep-soft and slightly disgruntled, an expression he wore incredibly well, and Robert placed his coffee down on the table so he could lean across to gently kiss away Aaron’s frown. Aaron responded with a small, confused noise before eventually relinquishing, opening his mouth so their warm breath could mingle. Robert brought his hand round to the nape of Aaron’s neck, tipping his head back slightly so he could slip his tongue between Aaron’s lips. The two of them sighed together, bodies melded as they shifted down into a more comfortable position. Robert kept his hands away from the surgical wound on Aaron’s abdomen, instead squeezing his thigh hard and sliding himself between Aaron’s open legs.

He wanted to buck his hips forwards, to spur them both on before dragging Aaron back upstairs to their very empty bed. But Aaron was still pale and fragile, still healing, and Robert was afraid to touch him anymore in case he broke.

“I’ll make you a coffee,” he said, suddenly breaking the kiss so he could clamber off him, shuffling over to the coffee-machine on the kitchen worktop. He’d bought it a few weeks after moving in, one of the first things that was genuinely his own to be encompassed within the ramshackle odds and ends scattered across the backroom. He had naturally been teased about it, mainly by Liv who joked that he was too posh to have a ‘normal’ coffee with just boiling water and _Nescafe Original_ , but she’d piped down when he let her have a try of his Americano. 

“I’m not bed-bound, Robert. I can make it myself,” Aaron said from the sofa, now back to looking a little put-out as he got up and headed over to join him, hands sliding beneath Robert’s dressing-gown to find his waist. “And you never answered my question.”

“What did you ask again?” Robert said, only half-paying attention as he relaxed into the feel of Aaron’s fingers stroking against his ribs. God, he really had missed all of this.

“How long have you been up?” Aaron asked, mouth at Robert’s ear now as he stretched onto his tiptoes. They were pressed so close together now, Aaron’s arms encircling Robert completely round the middle, and Robert sighed, taking the mug from beneath the stuttering jet of dark, foamy liquid.

“Not long. Must have woken up just before you did.” It wasn’t his best, but it didn’t need to be, it just had to be convincing. He turned in Aaron’s arms, offering out the mug and Aaron took it with a half-smile. He groaned immediately when he took his first sip, the steam curling the hairs across his forehead.

“Just what I needed,” he murmured against the rim of his mug, eyes dipping shut for a moment before re-opening to stare up at Robert. It always caught him off guard when Aaron gave him that unnervingly open, wide-eyed look.

“You’re gonna take it easy, yeah? Just stay here and rest.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, batting away Robert’s hand which had come to rub against his arm before heading back over to the sofa. “Yes, nurse,” he grumbled, grimacing a little as he flicked through the channels.

Robert could tell the pain was kicking in for him, knew instinctively that he was hurting by the way his shoulders tensed, his mouth pressed into a thin line. He closed the distance again, perching on the arm of the sofa and traced a line down Aaron’s neck with his index finger.

“Hey, if you want to do a bit of roleplay then-”

“Shut up!” Aaron laughed, ducking from beneath Robert’s touch. He was smiling though which had been Robert’s primary aim.

“Offers there,” was all he said, retrieving his own coffee from the table and feeling the side of the mug. It was warm, but barely.

“You staying here today?”

“I need to check in at the office, get some work done,” he replied, going over to the sink to wash out his cup. The cold water on his hands woke him up a bit more, pierced through the fog clouding his mind. “But we could do something tonight – watch a film, order in some food?”

“Yeah, sounds great,” he heard Aaron reply and he relaxed a little more. He could do this, he could keep going like this. Just push through for now and eventually…

Yeah, he could do this.

“Right, I’m gonna hop in the shower before Liv hogs it for herself,” he said, buoyed by the image of them having a movie marathon with pizza and some beers. He placed the mug on the rack to dry, wiped his hands on the gingham tea-towel, and made for the door.

“I could join you.”

It was hard to mistake the dip in Aaron’s voice, having had it used on him so often and usually when Aaron was already straddling him and tearing off clothes. He halted, feeling his knees give a little as the heat built in the pit of his stomach, and forced himself to swallow.

“You can’t get your bandages wet,” he said reluctantly and watched as Aaron huffed another sigh, arms folded across his chest.

“God, you really are turning into a nurse.”

Robert took a step forwards, hating how easy it was for them to go from teasing to snapping. It was like he was walking across ice, and each move he made sent it creaking and groaning beneath his feet.

“I’m just making sure you don’t get hurt,” he explained softly, faltering on the final step which would have put him hovering above Aaron on the sofa.

“I’m fine, Robert,” he replied, but his tone was less aggressive and more pleading, blue eyes all-consuming.

“Soon as your wound’s healed, then we can spend as much time as you want in the shower. Deal?”

Aaron gave a sharp shrug of his shoulders before taking another sip of coffee. “Suppose.” He was back staring at the TV screen, his jaw set hard, and Robert couldn’t help the smirk which tugged at the corner of his mouth.

“You’re pretty cute when you’re sulking,” he muttered quietly, chancing a quick kiss on top of Aaron’s wayward curls before immediately jumping back when Aaron tried to swat him with his hand.

“Piss off.”

“Yeah, yeah. Love you, too,” he laughed, breathless and relieved, before slipping out the door.

 

***

 

He ducked under the shower for no more than five minutes, tipping his head back just enough to wet his hair before lathering in the shampoo and washing it off as quickly as he could. His phobia towards water had naturally increased since the crash, and having his head under the jet stream was simply beyond him at the moment. He’d been avoiding it as much as he could, resorting to washing his hair in the sink some days when he couldn’t face stepping beneath the shower. He told himself it was just temporary, that he’d snap out of it soon, but so far the panic didn’t seem to be easing any.

Getting dressed was doable at least, though he did falter over the sight of his blue blazer and shirt neatly ironed and hanging on the rail. Chas had washed them for him while he’d been at the hospital and now they looked just as pristine as always, as if none of it had ever happened. Robert shoved them to the very back of the wardrobe: _out of sight, out of mind._

When he went back downstairs, Aaron and Liv were still in their pyjamas eating breakfast at the table, the young girl’s hair like a bird’s nest as she shovelled cereal into her mouth. It was strange how fond he’d become of her, how easily his defensive, almost possessive side, so exacerbated when he was forced to share Aaron with anyone else, had ceased to exist around her. They were both in it for the long haul with him, both having proven that he was their number one priority, and it seemed that after the accident especially, they had reached some form of truce.

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” he reminded her, checking his watch. The bus would be passing by the village in just over half an hour.

She groaned, looking at her brother as if to say _do something_ , before eventually turning to face him when Aaron’s only response was a smile.

“I’ve got plenty time, thanks. Or you could always run me in yourself if you think I’m gonna be late.”

She’d been nagging him for weeks about getting a go in his Porsche. Apparently all her friends got dropped off in ‘naff’ cars like Peugeots and Vauxhalls.

“I want to turn up in a sports car, even if it does look like something out of _Back to the Future,_ ” she’d told him with a sly grin. He might have been offended if he didn’t have such a boyish love for that film still. Instead he’d taken it as a compliment and then refused to grant her wish simply because he enjoyed winding her up.

It was an urge he couldn’t resist this time either, ruffling her hair as he went passed and uttering a quick: “Nice try,” before he ducked back out the door, laughing as he heard her yelling for Aaron to have a word. He kept up the smile until he was out of the pub and in his car, at which point he rested his head against the steering-wheel and gave himself a minute to just breathe. The coffee was wearing off now, the exhaustion returning as if it had never truly left, and twisting the key in the ignition proved far more difficult than it should have, none of his limbs functioning the way they were supposed to.

He drove slowly, almost rivalling the speed of Sandy’s scooter as he circled round the village and up towards the scrapyard. He’d barely been in the office since the crash, having been such a permanent fixture by Aaron’s bedside for the first week, and walking round like a zombie for the rest. Adam had given him a message courtesy of Victoria that he couldn’t run the scrapyard single-handedly what with Aaron out of action, and Robert had ended up snapping at his sister quite badly. He’d apologised later, hating the way her eyes had gone wide with guilt and worry, and had promised her that he’d just been worked up over Aaron in hospital rather than anything to do with her. Luckily she hadn't pushed him any further - he hated lying to her.

Adam was sat at his desk when Robert walked in, his boots echoing off the scuffed, dusty floor.

“Nice of you to join me at last,” was the only greeting he got and Robert blew out a harsh breath through his nose. He was too tired for this today.

“I’m here now,” he snarled though there was barely any heat to the words, no anger behind them. If he could have collapsed right there on the floor he would have done, but instead he slumped into his swivel chair and opened up his laptop.

“How’s Aaron?”

He hadn’t even opened his emails but he stopped what he was doing all the same to look up. “Fine. He’s taking it easy for a while, until he’s back on his feet.”

Adam nodded, shuffling round a few papers as if he actually knew what he was doing. Robert just wanted him to go back outside and do what he was good at – manual labour.

“Thought I’d check in on him today.”

“No,” Robert snapped immediately, before realising that he’d probably been a bit too sharp. “He’s staying in bed and I doubt he’s going to have the energy for visitors. Maybe tomorrow, once he’s more up to it?”

It wasn’t that he wanted to deny Aaron the company of his friend, or that he felt particularly threatened by Adam anymore, but the thought of coming home to find his evening with Aaron ruined because Adam had tired him out with inside jokes and football chat would frankly have been enough to tip him over the edge.

Luckily, Adam seemed to soften at the suggestion and nodded, pulling on his work gloves. “Yeah, all right. Text me when he’s a bit better, yeah?”

“Course,” he answered, watching as Adam hopped down the steps before closing the door.

Surrounded by a hollow silence, Robert switched on the portable heater on the floor and removed his jacket, rubbing his hands together for warmth as he began reading through his emails. There were plenty in need of urgent attention and he got started immediately, diving into work in a bid to ignore the pounding in his head. His stomach growled occasionally as he typed, a reminder that he’d skipped breakfast yet again. He’d been doing it more and more over the last week, missing out meals or picking at his food. He just hadn’t had any appetite since the crash, and living off of Mars Bars and packets of crisps for a week had sent his routine completely out of whack.

By the time it got to half-three, the sky had darkened to a steel grey and Robert had put a satisfactory dent in his list of things to do. The entire office had been cast in shade and the heater was emitting less hot air and more burning fumes. He switched it off, unplugging his charger and slipping everything back into his laptop bag. He felt dead on his feet, his back ached, and all he wanted was to be home with his feet up on the sofa and Aaron at his side.

 _An easy life_ , he thought as he turned the handle of the door.

It didn’t open.

For a second he thought he should have been pushing not pulling, but when he tried both ways he still found it stayed firmly shut. He put his bag down on the floor, told himself not to get worked up, and put his full weight behind him and yanked on the handle.

Nothing.

“Okay,” he breathed even as he felt his heart thundering inside his throat. The entire office seemed so much smaller than before, the ceiling suddenly mere inches above his head. He went over to the window just to get a glimpse outside and found the yard empty save for a few bashed-in cars scattered about the place. Robert wondered if Aaron’s Subaru had been damaged that badly and immediately felt his stomach somersault.

He tried the handle again, shaking it furiously while the door remained wedged in place. He could hear his breaths coming in rasps now, his chest rising and falling sharply as he ran a hand through his hair. He needed to stay calm, like he’d done in the car. But he was on his own this time and Aaron wasn’t panicking beside him now.

_Just breathe. You’re fine, you’re safe. Just fucking breathe._

He sat heavily on the side of Adam’s desk, fingers curling round the sharp wooden edge as he focused on just inhaling and exhaling evenly. White spots flickered in front of his eyes, sparking behind his lids as he blinked them away rapidly. There was something heavy against his chest, pushing down on him as he struggled against the fear. He needed to get out. He just needed to get out.

Something slammed outside and Robert immediately stood, pitching slightly to the side as his balance faltered. He could just see Adam hopping from the van, boots crunching across the gravel before his attention returned to the handle which was just beginning to turn…

Nothing happened.

Robert heard Adam swearing under his breath before he heard a thud and suddenly the door burst open, Adam stumbling inside and almost crashing straight into him.

“What the fuck do you’re think you’re playing at?” Robert snapped, shoving him backwards as he grabbed his laptop bag from the floor.

“Sorry?” Adam stammered, looking around himself as if expecting to find the answer somewhere in the office.

“Locking me in!” Robert yelled, gesturing towards the door which was hanging open now, a sharp wind cutting through the confined space and chilling him to the bone.

“Sorry mate, sometimes it does that,” Adam explained, much calmer than Robert. “You have to push it from the outside or it doesn’t budge.”

“Why the Hell haven’t you got it fixed?”

Adam shrugged, still unaware apparently that Robert was _this close_ to punching him. “We’ve usually got a doorstop so it doesn’t shut properly. Think Scrappy went off with it though.”

He could feel his whole body shaking now, though whether through fear or sheer fury Robert could no longer say. “Yeah? Well I want it sorted by tomorrow.”

“What?” Adam scoffed, watching as Robert marched outside towards his car. Had he really parked it so haphazardly?

“You heard me. Get it fixed, Adam.”

“Look, just cause you’re Vic’s brother and engaged to my best mate, doesn’t mean you get to tell me what to do,” Robert heard him yell from the steps. He unlocked the Porsche, yanking at the door and throwing his bag in to the passenger seat.

“Just get it done!” he bit back before climbing into his seat and starting the engine with a growl. Adam glared at him, chin jutted forwards, and Robert was almost tempted to get back out of the car and just start laying into him. He had so much nervous energy rattling inside him that he ended up slamming his foot too hard on the accelerator and almost going flying backwards into a partially dissected Volkswagen Polo.

He ignored what he knew would be Adam now smirking at his shit driving skills and turned the car around with one sharp tug of the wheel before speeding off down the road, almost like if he could just drive fast enough, he’d be able to leave all his fears behind him.

 

***

 

He got back to the pub on two wheels, slamming on the brakes as he pulled into his allotted parking space beside the Woolpack. It wasn’t as though Chas had gifted him the slot by any means, but somehow it had still become his. Even Aaron didn’t use it anymore.

The bar was fairly busy given it was just after lunch service and Robert only made it a few steps before someone clapped him hard on the back. He almost hit the deck immediately, his legs going from under him for a second before he grabbed hold of the bar to steady himself.

“There he is! Hero of the hour.” It was Jimmy, grinning at him from where he was perched on his stool.

“What?” he half-choked out, still not over being locked in the portacabin, far less this.

“Haven’t seen you before now to say ‘well done’. By all accounts, your Aaron’s only alive because of you.”

In another life, at another time, Robert’s heart might have swollen with pride to hear the words ‘your Aaron’ directed at him. But this was here and now, and all he felt was the crippling weight of guilt and shame on his already broken shoulders.

“I didn’t do anything,” he forced out, trying desperately to manoeuvre himself round the small crowd which had formed around him to wish him their own version of a verbal pat on the back. He shied away from each of them in turn.

“I wouldn’t call ‘saving his life’ nothing now, would you?” Harriet chimed in from where she was sitting in one of the booths to his right. He turned, already shaking his head.

“Honestly, I didn’t-”

“He’s being modest, poor lamb,” Pearl cut him off with a fond expression.

“It was a brave thing to do, lad. It’s not everyone who would have done what you did.” Ronnie was leaning against the bar nursing his pint and Robert felt his heart give a slight jerk, remembering that the older man had recently rushed into a burning building to save people he barely knew.

_You’re a hero. Not me._

“Right. Thanks,” was all he managed, pushing through the others and slipping round to the opposite side of the bar. Chas was by the till and he was almost passed her when he felt a hand on his arm.

“Oi. You all right?”  she asked, her voice hushed but urgent.

He glanced back at the locals now muttering quietly about the tragedy of James Barton’s death, gossip back in full swing, before returning his attention to Chas.

“Yeah.”

She didn’t look convinced and her hand remained on his arm, gripping just a little tighter than before. “Robert… If there’s something wrong-”

“Jesus, get off my case, will you? I’m _fine_ ,” he snapped, already knowing he’d just made a fatal error. She raised an eyebrow at him and he thought momentarily about apologising, but he could feel the panic rising again in his throat so he simply slunk through to the backroom.

Aaron was still on the sofa, just as he’d left him that morning, only now he had his laptop open in front of him, scrolling through _Autotrader_ at cars. He turned when he heard Robert come in and smiled.

“Wondered when you’d show your face again. You had lunch?”

It took everything Robert had not to crawl across the floor and bury his head in Aaron’s lap. He just wanted to scream or weep or do _something_ to get it all out of his system. It felt like he was about to boil over with everything he’d been keeping inside.

“No, I was busy answering emails most of the day,” he answered, shuffling over to one of the chairs and dumping his bag and jacket down onto it. God, he needed to sleep. He needed to sleep so badly it hurt.

“Adam didn’t give you a hard time again, did he? I had a word the last time.”

Robert couldn’t even look at him anymore, instead going to stand at the very back of the kitchen where Aaron wouldn’t be able to see him. He bit down hard on his lip till he could almost taste the metallic tang of blood against his tongue.

“No, he was fine,” he pushed out, but the words shook at the end and he waited, breath held, to see if Aaron had heard.

“Robert?”

 _Shit._ He pushed it down further, forced himself to adopt his previous casual demeanour and went back out into the living-room.

“Yeah?” he asked, his voice light and easy, eyebrows slightly raised in innocence. He’d done it so many times that it came as naturally to him as breathing.

Aaron gave him a look as if trying to decipher whether what he’d heard was just his mind playing tricks on him. “Maybe you should take tomorrow off. You look done in.”

“I’m fine. I’ll just have an early night tonight,” he answered, going back to the kitchen and grabbing the half loaf of bread from the tin. He’d make himself a sandwich, force himself to eat it, and then he’d sit on the sofa with Aaron and watch a film. He could do that. He _needed_ to do that.

“Have you been all right?” Robert asked as a way to distract them both, now scraping a thin layer of butter onto his knife. There was something lodged in his throat and every time he swallowed it only seemed to get bigger.

“Yeah, bit boring just sat here. Started looking at cars… You know, cause I don’t have one right now.”

The image of the Subaru submerged in water flashed before Robert’s eyes and he squeezed them shut, determined not to think about it. He pressed his sandwich together, dropping it onto a plate before coming to sit beside Aaron on the sofa. He didn’t mind a bit when Aaron let his feet rest on Robert’s lap.

“What kind of car are you thinking of getting?”

Aaron shrugged, already closing his laptop and placing it on the floor. “Not sure. I’ll have to wait for the insurance to come through first, see how much I get.”

“Well, I’ll drive you in the meantime,” Robert said, switching on the TV and scrolling through till he found the list of movies on the Sky box.

“Still up for watching something?” he asked, shifting slightly so he could face Aaron properly. He looked better than he had done that morning, more colour in his cheeks, eyes brighter, more alert. It calmed the restless tide within him, as though Aaron were the waning moon and Robert’s heart couldn’t help but gravitate closer. It had always been that way though, the pull towards him an almost physical force.

“Yeah, if you want,” Aaron answered through a yawn, stretching then wincing as he placed a hand to his side.

“Maybe you should just sleep? We can do this when you’re better.”

Aaron gave him a warning look. “I’m fine, and it’s just a movie. Not like I can get hurt sitting on the sofa.”

Robert drew his gaze back towards the TV, chewing a little on the inside of his cheek as he scrolled through the list of films they could watch. He knew he was doing Aaron’s head in constantly fussing round him, and he probably was overreacting at this point, but he just couldn’t shake the feeling that they weren’t out of danger. It was almost like he’d never fully left the car, like they were both still submerged even now.

“Hey.” The heel of Aaron’s foot dug into the meat of his thigh. “You’re okay, right?”

He knew that tone. Aaron had used it a lot on Liv after Gordon’s funeral, crouching down beside her and stroking her hair. Liv had been grateful for it, had allowed herself to be pulled in closer, but Robert couldn’t do the same. He’d break if he did.

“Course,” he replied, and luckily Aaron didn’t get a chance to push it further because there was a slam somewhere in the back and suddenly Liv was standing in the doorway.

“How was school?” Aaron asked her, twisting so he could peer at her over the sofa.

She rolled her eyes, dumping her bag onto the floor. “Boring, but what’s new there.”

Robert hid a smile, more than a little relieved to have her here as a distraction, and went back to looking at the TV while the two of them bickered over homework.

“Just get it out of the way now and then you can do whatever you want for the rest of tonight… within reason.”

“Or,” Liv answered, grabbing a can of Coke from the fridge, “I could do whatever I want right now and then do my homework on the bus tomorrow.”

She sat on the kitchen table, legs swinging as she took another mouthful of her drink and then glanced at Robert. “Why you here?”

“Nice to see you, too, Liv.”

“Just thought you’d be working, that’s all,” she explained, still looking at him through slightly squinted eyes. Her and Aaron both did that to him, he’d realised, as if they were both trying to solve him like a Rubik’s cube. It made his skin itch a little.

“Came back early,” he said, sliding out from under Aaron’s legs so he could close the curtains. “Me and Aaron are watching a film.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Which one?”

“Doesn’t matter cause you won’t be here to see it,” Aaron said before Robert could, lifting his feet again when Robert came to sit back down.

Liv grinned, looking between them. “You know, if it’s one of _those_ films then you should probably watch it in your room.”

Robert almost choked on the crust he’d been forcing himself to eat and Aaron looked as though he’d stopped breathing.

“Liv!” he exclaimed, cheeks flushing scarlet.

Robert could only laugh, more at Aaron’s scandalised reaction than anything else. “I swear to God you need to stop spending time with Charity.”

She shrugged, taking another sip of her can. “I’m just saying.”

Aaron struggled against his embarrassment, scrubbing his face with his hand. “I meant you won’t get to watch it because you’ll be upstairs working on your homework.”

“Yeah, I know, I’m not an idiot. It’s just funny watching you two blush.”

Robert fought hard against the grin desperate to break, while Aaron seemed about ready to explode, still looking as though he wanted the floor to swallow him whole.

“Don’t mind us.” Chas had just popped her head round the door, looking first at Aaron and then at Liv, refusing to meet Robert’s gaze. He really had fucked it up, then. “Ronnie’s just here to try and fix the lights.”

Liv glanced up at the ceiling then back at Chas. “There’s nothing wrong with the lights.”

“The ones in the bar are flickering. Must be a dodgy connection or something,” she answered, looking at Ronnie to confirm which he did with a soft smile.

“You know the fuse box is in the cellar, right?” Aaron said, curling his toes now into the gap between Robert’s thighs. Robert let his hand wander to the back of Aaron’s calf, stroking the muscles there with his thumb.

“Yes, thank you. Just wanted to find the toolbox,” Chas responded, already moving over to the kitchen where she started rooting around in the cupboards.

“I’ve got my own one in the van, won’t take me five minutes to fetch-”

“Found it!” Chas exclaimed, cutting Ronnie off with a triumphant grin as she handed him a toolbox which Robert was sure had belonged to his dad at one point. Diane must have taken it to the pub and left it there. He turned his attention quickly back to the TV.

“Right then, love, lead the way,” Ronnie said cheerily, gesturing for Chas to go first as they went back through.

“Think you should be getting upstairs, don’t you?” Aaron said once they’d gone, giving his sister a look which Robert assumed was supposed to be menacing but ended up just being slightly less soft than before.

“I haven’t even had anything to eat yet!” Liv exclaimed, still perched on the table.

“Liv, it’s not even four yet. Dinner won’t be for at least another hour or so.”

“So what, you just want me to starve then? I’m not even allowed a biscuit?”

“No,” they both said in unison, just before the entire room shut down in darkness. Every light had gone out, the TV just a black screen, and with the curtains shut Robert couldn’t see a damn thing.

“Mains must have been switched off,” he heard Aaron say, but his voice was faded, distant. He sounded like he did in Robert’s dreams, like he was underwater. _God, it felt like they were underwater again._  

“Robert?”

He shoved at Aaron’s legs to get him off and put his head between his knees, suddenly feeling too warm and too cold all at once. There was static in his head, crackling and sputtering as he tried to get out a breath. He could almost hear the water lapping around him, feel it soaking him to the skin. The ghost of his seatbelt dug into the side of his neck, pinning him down as he tried to blink through the darkness.

“Robert, what’s wrong?”

 _Aaron._ He was so far away, couldn’t hear him properly now as he tried to claw in a breath, his lungs shuddering from the lack of oxygen. It was just like before, just like it had been in the car.

“Hey, look at me. Robert, come on, look at me.”

He felt a hand at his neck, another at his back, but he kept his head pressed against his knees, kept trying to focus on just breathing. _In, out, in, out, in…_

“I just… I need the lights on,” he managed, his mouth bone dry as he spoke. Aaron’s hand was gripping his wrist now and it felt like the only thing tethering him to reality. The rest of him had floated off into the water.

“It’s fine. Ronnie’s probably just tripped them, that’s all.”

He shook his head, the floor tilting wildly beneath his feet, just like the car had done. They were all just floating, floating in the darkness.

“I need… _Fuck_ , Aaron, can you get him to put them back on?” He knew his voice sounded hoarse, broken, and Aaron must have heard it too because his grip tightened considerably.

“I’m sure he’s just about to-”

“ _Please_.” It came out strangled, just a screwed up, shattered plea which ripped from his throat.

“Okay. Yeah… okay,” Aaron stammered, his voice weak. “Liv, can you go tell Ronnie-”

“On it.” Her voice was closer than it should have been and he heard her light footsteps pass beside him before the door clicked open and shut. Aaron’s hand returned to his back, smoothing out his shirt with warm, circular motions. He wanted it to help, wanted so much to relax into the touch, but all he could think about was how cold he had been, how his fingers had almost blistered from wrenching at the steering column, trying to get Aaron free. God, how could it be happening again? How could it feel this _real_?

Something popped and suddenly the lights all flashed on again, the TV making a faint buzzing noise before bursting back into life. Robert felt the glare of the lights behind his eyelids but couldn’t open them. The world was still tilted off its axis, spinning him too fast.

“They’re on. Robert, they’re on.” Aaron’s lips were at his ear, warm breath making him shiver. He tangled their fingers together, needing to feel him close again.

“You gonna tell me what’s going on now?”

He raised his head a little and immediately felt the weight of the last few weeks slam down onto his shoulders. “I’m… I’m fine,” he stammered, the tightness in his chest almost unbearable. The lights were on, he was safe now… but he couldn’t… he still couldn’t catch his breath.

“ _Robert_.”

“Just… I just need…”

Aaron must have registered something in Robert’s voice because suddenly he was pressed right up against Robert’s side, an arm around his shoulder. “Okay, breathe. Breathe for me.”

“I’m… trying.”

“Right, do what I do. Look at me, Robert. Just watch me.”

He forced his eyes to open, blinking rapidly at the bright glare before focusing on Aaron who breathing in deeply through his mouth. Robert matched his speed, the two of them breathing in unison as Robert clung onto Aaron’s hand.

“That’s it. Just breathe.”

He cracked a smile, head bowed again as he felt the tightness easing. “Thanks for the suggestion. Idiot.” It reminded him of the last time he’d called Aaron that, right before he’d proposed… sort of.

“Better?” Aaron asked, fingers gently stroking the fine hairs at the nape of his neck. Robert leant into the touch, his heart rate falling again.

“Yeah. Think so.”

“Liv, can you get me a glass of water?”

Robert hadn’t even realised she was standing there, but now he looked at her, cheeks a little flushed and eyes impossibly wide.

“Yeah,” she whispered, teeth worrying at her bottom lip just like Aaron did before she rushed to turn on the tap.

“I don’t need it,” he tried to protest but Aaron cut him off immediately.

“You’ll take it or I’ll pour it down your throat myself.”

“Just as well I’m the nurse in this relationship,” he said quietly, just loud enough for Aaron to hear. “Your bedside manner’s terrible.”

Liv returned a second later with a half-filled glass of water which he took from her with a grateful smile. He downed the entire thing in one go, feeling it numb his chest as it trickled down. His head felt a little clearer afterwards, less like his thoughts were obscured by murky water.

“Right, what was all that about?” Aaron's voice was strained and Robert hated that he had made him sound like that. He was so weak, if he’d only managed to keep it together for a bit longer…

“Nothing. I just- It’s nothing,” he tried, but he could already feel Aaron tense beside him.

“Robert, you just had a panic attack.”

 _No I didn’t_. The refusal sharpened his tongue but he bit down on it instead, the doubt creeping up his spine too hard to ignore.

“Shut up. I was just a bit out of breath.”

“How?” Aaron snapped, exasperated. “Walking from the bar to the backroom?”

Robert bristled beside him, pulling away. “Leave it.”

“No.”

“Aaron, please…”

“Tell me what’s going on,” Aaron pleaded, a hand at his arm again. “Don’t keep it from me.”

He knew the door was behind him, knew he could be up and out within a few seconds if he wanted. Aaron wouldn’t be able to follow him, not in his present state, and then Robert could just sit in his car or go for a walk. Anything that would mean avoiding this conversation.

But when he raised his head, Aaron was looking at him with so much pain, so much concern, that Robert just didn’t have it in him to leave.

“I can’t lay this on you,” he said quietly, shoulders rolled forwards to shield himself somehow from what was coming.

“Course you can,” Aaron replied, the pads of his fingers pressing into the skin at Robert’s elbow. He knew Liv was watching them intently, but everything else had melted away except for Aaron’s blue eyes on him, rooting him in place.

“I’m fine, honestly.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Aaron snapped, his hand gone now as they curled into fists at his side. He wasn’t angry, or at least not in the usual way. He was upset, and that was so much worse.

Robert pressed his lips together, pulled in a breath and said: “Aaron-”

“You don’t like the dark.”

His head snapped round, the breath gone from him again as he stared, dumbfounded, at Liv who was still watching them both, completely calm.

“What?” Aaron asked, glancing between his sister and Robert.

Liv dropped her gaze for a second before lifting it again to lock on Robert. “Cause you were underwater, right? You don’t like the dark.”

His mouth was hanging open now, barely able to take in that someone so young, someone who barely registered his existence most of the time, had managed to nail what was wrong with him in just a few, short seconds.

“I-”

“Robert?” It was Aaron, his voice almost trembling, and the sound of that alone had him falling.

“I just-” He tried again, but his whole vision had blurred now, Aaron’s face rippling in front of him, his cheeks now hot and damp with tears.

“God, why didn’t you _say_?” Aaron demanded, now grabbing for Robert’s arms, his shoulders, yanking him closer till Robert’s head was pressed against Aaron’s chest. “Is that why you had the sidelamp on all night?”

He couldn’t deny it, not anymore, not when they both knew he’d be lying. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”

“What for? Jesus, Robert, you could have told me.”

“You’d only just got back,” he said, chest heaving as he tried to calm himself enough to speak properly. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“What, and I’m not worried now?”

It was the last thing he’d wanted, to put yet more strain on Aaron, and now he’d gone and done exactly what he’d set out to avoid. “I’m sorry,” he said again, because it was the only thing he knew how to say anymore.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s all right… It’s okay.”

Aaron’s hand was in his hair, stroking the strands at his crown, soft lips pressed feather-lightly at his temple. And Robert hated it all, hated that he’d been reduced to this in the first place, and hated even more that it was Aaron having to comfort him. It should have been the other way around. He hadn’t been the one to almost drown, he hadn’t been the one trapped in that car. He had nothing to cry about.

“I’m so sorry.” He was choking on the words, wracked as he was with wave after wave of tears that just kept slamming into him. He pushed his nose further into Aaron’s solid chest, his shoulders shaking as he cried.

“Hey, come on, it’s not that bad. I doubt the electricity bill will take too hard a knock for one more light on.”

It was meant as a joke, he knew that, and he tried to laugh, tried to force down everything that was rising to the surface, but all that came out was another broken sob, shattering like glass in his throat.

“Robert, please. Please, what is it?”

“I’m sorry,” he said again, arms coming to wrap around Aaron, to hold him close. He felt so real, so warm and soft against him. _I could have lost you. You could have died because of me._

“You keep saying that… What are you sorry for? You don’t have to be sorry for anything, all right?” Aaron was trying to lift his chin, to get him to look up, but Robert refused, shaking his head. He couldn’t look at him, not like this.

“It’s my fault.”

The words hung suspended in the silence, and Robert felt the tears subside a little, granting him a moment’s rest as he hauled in air. Aaron’s t-shirt was damp now, stained with tears, and Robert breathed in the smell that was so utterly familiar to him now, a smell he now associated with home.

“What is? What’s your fault?”

Robert pulled back a little, rubbing a hand across his damp eyes, catching the remaining tears from his lashes and wiping them on his jeans. He still couldn’t look Aaron in the eye.

“I should never have shown you the ring… If I’d waited like I said I would, then…”

“No,” Aaron said immediately, drawing nearer to grab hold of Robert’s hand. “Please tell me you don’t think the crash was your fault.”

He lifted his gaze then, lips still trembling. “You were looking at me, Aaron. I took your eyes off the road.”

Aaron shook his head vigorously, his own eyes a little damp now. “ _No_. Why would you think that? Why? None of this was your fault.”

He let himself be dragged back into Aaron’s embrace, allowed Aaron to fold him into his lap just as Robert had been desperate to do earlier. He curled himself inwards, not caring anymore how he looked or how mercilessly he would be teased later by Liv. He needed this. He needed Aaron.

“I thought I was gonna lose you,” he murmured against Aaron’s neck. “I was so sure… God, Aaron, you stopped _breathing_.”

“I’m all right, though. Look at me, I’m fine.”

Robert clawed at Aaron’s t-shirt, his hand bunched into the fabric as he drew himself even closer. “I couldn’t leave you. It was so dark down there and you weren’t breathing. I had to get you out.”

“I know. You did, Robert. You got me out. You saved me,” Aaron said, kissing him now – his cheeks, his forehead, anywhere he could reach.

“I needed you to be all right… After mum, I just… I needed to _do_ something this time. I needed to get you out.”

He heard Aaron’s breath shudder out of him and then his arms were wrapped tightly around Robert, the two of them pressed so close together now that Robert could hear Aaron’s heartbeat thundering through his skin. It calmed him more than anything else had, to know that Aaron was still alive.

“You did. God, Robert, it’s okay. _We’re_ okay.” The last word broke and Aaron tucked his face into the side of Robert’s neck, kissing the warm skin just behind his earlobe. He ran a hand along the curve of Aaron’s spine, tracing the ridges with his fingers as they just breathed shakily together.

“Sorry. Shit, I’m sorry,” he said once he’d finally managed to get control over his voice again, drying his cheeks again with the sleeve of his shirt. Aaron brought a hand up to Robert’s neck, steadying him.

“It’s all right, I’ve got you,” he murmured, and he sounded so utterly sure about it that all Robert could do was slump forwards again, their foreheads pressed together.

“I love you.” He’d said it at the hospital, both when Aaron was unconscious and once he’d woken, but it felt different this time, rawer, like he was being laid bare.

Aaron nuzzled a little at Robert’s cheek before kissing him softly, a chaste, sweet little thing that had Robert leaning in for more.

“I love you, too,” was what he got instead, and it sent a shiver through him, flushing his skin.

Aaron let out a sigh, moving back a little but keeping a hand cupping Robert’s cheek. “You have to stop bottling this stuff up. You have to let me in.”

“I know,” Robert conceded quietly. “I know I do.”

“Just tell me what’s going on up there. How can I help if I don’t know what you’re thinking about?” Aaron continued, stroking a thumb against Robert’s temple and shooting him another concerned look.

“You. That's what I'm thinking about. It's always you,” Robert answered, and almost wondered if he’d been too honest this time, if he’d crossed a line. Aaron swallowed, his Adam’s apple jolting, and then he pulled Robert back down for a kiss, harder this time, more forceful. They sank into it, Robert’s hands sliding down from Aaron’s shoulders to his waist, dragging him forwards a little as their lips parted.

“Are you two gonna be this soft even when you’re married?”

They jumped apart, having entirely forgotten Liv was still in the room, and Aaron ducked his head a little from the sudden attention they had gathered.

“Probably even softer,” Robert answered for them, his gaze catching on the ring around Aaron’s finger. He forgot sometimes and then he’d see it again, remembering how impossible the odds had been of them reaching this point. But they’d managed it. God knows how, but they’d managed it between them.

“There’s no way I’m putting up with that,” Liv grumbled, though her eyes faltered a little on Robert, as if she was unsure how far to push the joke. He gave her a lopsided grin to reassure her that she was on the right path.

“You saying you don’t want to be a flower girl at the wedding?”

She scoffed, jumping from the table and chucking her can into the bin before turning back towards them. “No chance!” she exclaimed, arms folded across her chest.

“Come on, I bet you’ve always dreamed of wearing a pink, fluffy dress,” he returned, already feeling the weight on his shoulders lifting a little.

He watched her walk round the table until she was standing in front of him, eyebrows raised as she smirked. “Try to get me in one of those and I’ll make you drink out of a wellie.”

His smile fell, the threat clear, and nodded. “No to flower girl, got it.”

“Good,” she answered breezily, sidling passed him and making for the door.

“What’s wrong with drinking out a wellie?” Aaron was looking between them both, still more than a little embarrassed if his cheeks were anything to go by, but now with the added bonus of confusion knitting his brows together.

“I can’t believe you even have to ask that,” Liv replied before immediately flouncing from the room. They heard her footsteps on the stairs a second later, quickly followed by the slam of her bedroom door.

“I think you’re starting to rub off on her,” Aaron muttered, turning back towards him.

Robert smirked, leaning back a little so he could rest his elbow on the back of the sofa. “Good. Don’t want her being too much like a Dingle.”

“Oi.” Aaron jabbed him in the rib with his finger and they both laughed until Aaron’s smile wavered, reduced back to a slight frown. “You can’t do that again,” he said quietly, and Robert knew what he meant.

“I won’t.”

“Promise me?”

He nodded. “Yeah, I promise. Sorry.”

Aaron shrugged, rubbing his arm a little awkwardly, the tension still there between them. “It’s fine. You just scared me… You’re always so calm, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you like that.”

Robert wet his lips, keeping his gaze trained on the gap between them. “It just got the better of me.”

“You haven’t been sleeping, have you?”

He thought about lying, despite the promise he had just made, but he knew Aaron would see right through him in an instant and he didn’t see any reason now to keep up the pretence.

“No.”

“Nightmares?” Aaron asked, and Robert grimaced slightly, remembering the one from last night.

“Every time I close my eyes, I’m back in that car,” he said, trying to keep his voice as even as possible. “Only this time I really can’t get you out, and then I just have to watch… I just have to watch you… I hate going to sleep.”

Aaron shuffled forwards again, a hand squeezing Robert’s knee. “You wake me the next time it happens, right?”

“Aaron-”

“Right?”

His shoulders immediately slumped in defeat. “Yeah. Okay.”

“And anyway, I can’t have my _fiancé_ nodding off every five seconds once I’ve got these stitches out.” There was something else in his voice this time, something light and slightly suggestive which had Robert meeting his gaze.

“Yeah?” he asked, leaning forwards a little so their noses were close enough to touch.

Aaron nodded, biting at his lower lip before he smiled. “We’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

They both let out a slightly frustrated laugh and Robert dragged him forwards into a kiss, Aaron coming to bracket Robert’s legs with his own. Without Liv’s input, they were able to fully enjoy each other this time, Robert pressing his lips against the coarse stubble at Aaron’s jaw while Aaron sucked a little at the skin on Robert’s neck. They groaned together, desperate for more, but Aaron was still recovering and Robert wasn’t sure he could keep his eyes open for much longer, so they ended up just panting into each other’s mouths, Aaron’s arms wrapped around Robert’s neck as he kissed the breath out of him.

When they pulled back, Robert was grinning so much his cheeks ached and Aaron wasn’t even able to look at him.  

“Right, what film do you wanna watch?” Robert asked, deciding they needed some kind of distraction from their desire.

“Something happy,” Aaron answered immediately, and Robert nodded, passing the remote over.

“I’ll go get Liv, see if she wants to watch with us.”

He took the stairs two at a time, still feeling slightly light-headed from exhaustion and possibly from that kiss. He knocked on Liv’s door and waited for her exasperated sigh before she shouted: “Come in!”

When he opened the door, she was sat on her bed with her headphones around her neck, looking at him like she always did, with barely repressed irritation.

“We’re going to stick a movie on now if you fancy it?” he said, leaning in the doorway and trying to pretend like the skin around his eyes wasn’t red raw. If she noticed, she didn’t make any mention of it.

“What film you watching?” she asked instead, already pushing down the lid of her laptop.

“No idea, Aaron’s picking.”

“All right. Beat’s doing homework,” she said, clambering onto her feet and following him from the room.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” he grumbled as they descended the stairs, at which point she gave him the smuggest smile he had ever seen on a fifteen-year-old.

“You want me to say it louder, old man?”

“Oi!” He exclaimed, giving her an affronted look which she just laughed at. He joined in, more out of awe than anything else, and went to open the door to the backroom.

“Robert?”

He stopped, turning at the sound of her voice having softened considerably. He didn’t like it when she sounded so fragile, it reminded him of how young she really was, how vulnerable.

“Yeah?”

She wouldn’t look at him, instead curling her bare toes into the carpet as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her hoodie. He almost wanted to reach out and hug her but he knew it wasn’t what she wanted, not right now.

“Thanks,” she said eventually, meeting his questioning stare with a look he didn't properly recognise. “For saving Aaron, I mean.”

He felt his throat tighten and swallowed hard, then again, just to make sure he’d be up to speaking.

“What else was I going to do?” he murmured, only loud enough for her to hear. She gave him a half-smile, small and faltering but sweeter than anything Robert had ever seen.

“If you keep an eye out for him, I’ll keep an eye out for you. Deal?”

It caught him so off-guard that at first he couldn’t say anything at all. Her eyes had gone wide again, her whole expression just one, soft question mark, and Robert nodded, his heart swollen in his chest.

“Deal,” he replied, and it was as though his answer broke whatever tenuous connection they had been sharing. Liv grinned, tucking her hair behind her ears and gestured towards the door.

“Right, let’s get the remote off him before he decides to put on _Fast and Furious_ again.”

He chuckled, letting her go first before following himself, already knowing he’d be sound asleep within five minutes of sitting down. It didn’t matter though, because when he woke, he’d have his family right there beside him.  


End file.
